Mar 7, 2007

Drama Queen

Sigh. My poor roommate. I don't know how the hell she puts up with me, and consider her muted reaction to having her computer undergo cataclysmic difficulties right before midterms, she is an infinitely better, more self-controlled person than I am.

Due to the complexity of biochem and volume of anatomy, Histo often gets neglected, so last night as I was staring blankly at modernist art disguised as something I should be able to identify, I had a nuclear meltdown, was convinced I was going to fail my histo exam, so just tried to get some sleep, yet, in those circumstances, as it happens, you can't sleep because your damn heart is buzzing like a... uh... electric razor, to keep it somewhat G-rated.

So can't sleep... just study... but can't study, why? Too tired. Gonna fail histo; gonna fail histo, and I was *trying* not to impinge on my roommate's study or sleep, but when your roommate is alternating between trying not to cry and throwing up, I'm certain it's distracting.

This morning, sleepless, with burning eyes, and still feeling woefully inadequate in GI tract, liver, nerve cells, and life, I went outside and called my mom because sometimes ya just have to, and was weepy gonna fail histo which is going to make me fail biochem at which point they'll kick me out of school and I'll have to sell my body for smack. So much for G-rated.

So I stumbled sleepless to the test at 1 pm, dread in my heart, though by then I had a tacit acceptance of my fail-ed-ness, and was whistling the Imperial March from Star Wars, which I'm sure the other students deeply appreciated.

Dr. Paparo was at the door (we apparently weren't supposed to bring pencils, and I'm not sure how I missed that, and someone swiped mine that I left outside!) and said encouraging words which makes me adore him all the more but did little to perk me.

60 "identify the structures" based on slides, and 150 total questions... I figured I was dead.

Then they start the slideshow, which I had been concerned I wouldn't even be able to stay awake during, but adrenaline does strange things, beyond acting often synonymously with glucagon. Damn you, biochem. But Sweet Random Chance! The slides! I couldn't help thinking "Are you guys kidding? Is it my birthday?"

Damn, I thought I liked Dr. Paparo before. I have to say, that was one of the most *fair* exams I've ever taken... and I did well on it...

Well enough that when I Skyped my mom to sheepishly report my results, she innocently asked me to put my roommate on for a second, who then, upon the orders of my own FLESH AND BLOOD, the woman who birthed me, smacked me on the back of the head.

I know; I know, I deserved it... I so did too.

So I'm not going to stroke out for biochem. Not going to stroke out for biochem. Not going to stroke out for biochem....


Anonymous said...

Congrats on the exam Ish. Knew you could do it... and doesn't it always feel better when we second-guess ourselves, only to discover there was no need in the first place?

Hugs from Texas!

Tammy said...

CONGRATS on doing well Ishie! I never doubted you for a minute! Keep up the awesome work and stop convincing yourself that you will fail cuz we all know better!