Oct 1, 2007


Sorry about the crackheadedness of that last entry, folks... worse than blogging drunk, which of course, I've also never done... and if I had an emoticon feature on this thing, that would be the eyes looking innocently up and the mouth whistling. You can tell I've been using too much Skype.

So what's up/wrong with me lately? I suppose I'll figure it out after midterms (two weeks and counting).

I can't figure this term out so far. Not in a "I don't understand the material way", but in a straight up, I'm not sure whether I can't figure this term out or myself out kind of way. I feel burned out, social craving while being antisocial, caught up, and completely, painfully, never-seen-this-material-before behind. Was I this behind last term? Was I this ahead last term? What percentage of my time was spent studying? Is it better to be on campus and feel like you're constantly surrounded by people or is it better to be off campus and shell up in my apartment while continuing to waste time by surfing the internet, lying on the couch, or ineffectually wandering around?

I'm *still* trying to find a study groove. This, of course, was supposed to be established during first term, and is part of what makes first term so difficult. But now, I'm having trouble finding a method that works that I can stick with. Rewriting all the notes or making flash cards, with the volume of information, seems illogical, and often, not a great use of time for many concepts that are, well, conceptual. But when I read and watch Sonic Foundry and highlight, sometimes I look back at lectures and it's like they're completely new to me. So there's a happy medium somewhere, but I don't think I've found it.

The problem, I'm finding, and that seems to be expressed by others, and that I know I've whined about to everyone at least a hundred times, is that I can't tell where I am this term, and that unnerves me. I can't determine whether I'm screwing around and wasting more time this term than I did last term, whether I know as much or as little as I did last term, whether I'm going to ace my midterms and wonder why I didn't go to the beach more often, or if I'm going to flat fail them all. I feel like I have a passing knowledge of everything without knowing even a hint of the minutia that tends to be testable. Will I have time to go back? Did I before and how did it work out for me?

This, of course, produces stress, sleeplessness, and perhaps more frustratingly, teenage-type mood swings. Hey! I'm caught up to all the lectures up today! Happy day! Hey! I don't recall details from any of them. Awww. Sad day.

Immunology, as lamented by probably everyone, is also a bit frustrating. Studying for this class is difficult because the information comes from a ton of different sources, which requires time to synthesize and understand, and the lecture notes don't really give me any idea what's going on, so I put together the spiral book, the summaries, the vocabulary, and THEN try to figure out what's highlighted in the lecture notes.

This is more than doable, problem being, additionally intensely time consuming, requiring the same study-pop for neuro and/or physiology, with each of those classes being five units per, and immuno being two. But the class average on the first immuno midterm tends to be an A, so can I afford to sacrifice something that will be a sure thing if I study for it for things I have no idea how I'm doing in?

There's also a burnout feeling. I know previous terms have had genetics and parasitology at the same time as their other classes. And I had the same problems with genetics and CPH, though those worked out intensely well for me, but going into genetics, I had no idea how I would do, and coming OUT of CPH, I wasn't sure if I had an "A" or failed it. Again, this should console me, but complacency is just as dangerous as anything else...

Scheduling-wise, considering my current stress in determining what on earth I should study for, I think that would have only made things worse, AND people had clinical skills to deal with, which we got out of the way for the term by that horrid CPH class.

But the organization also means, two weeks of class... two final exams... three or four weeks of class, final exam, granted in a kind of a bird class, but no break between direct continuation into other classes, including start of a third, and then 4 weeks (or is it 3; can't keep track) and midterms. I suppose that's rough on the mind. Of course, so was first term with the unifieds and then bam, midterms three weeks later.

So I don't know... this isn't really a complaint with the school or anything, because hey, this is the courseload, decel if you don't like it, but more of a problem with me, and this odd disconnect I've felt lately, socially, scholastically. Not quite sure how to deal with it.

Onto the positive, since I'm feeling more introspective right now, and the above sounds like I'm on a jet spiral to the ground, which I'm actually not... I poached David's study habits and went to sit next to him at the quiet spots of the library which sort of 'peer pressures' me into not screwing around on the internet while not allowing me to talk much and distract us both, since as you can probably tell, I'm generally incapable of shutting up for more than five seconds.

Despite a late start due to my tenacious night-owl wannabe circadian rhythm meant HOURS at the library today and yesterday, allowing me to get through a grand total of three neuro lectures, three physio lectures, and two immuno lectures, and I think, with a pretty decent knowledge of all of them, so I do feel good about that. I still have a small gap in physio and immuno (which correlates to the CPH exam, I figured out, so there's probably a number of people that have a gap there), but am otherwise either caught up or *nearly* caught up and determined to stay that way.

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