What have I done!?

I made the mistake today of saying "You know... I'm stressed, but not as stressed as I almost feel like I *should* be, perhaps because I've already left 'home' as it is in Sacramento, and am now leaving a place I'm not all that familiar with..."

So after a filling meal at Cracker Barrel to imbibe a few last tastes of Southenism, my cheekiness caught up with me and sent me into full panic mode.

The original title of this post was supposed to be "AAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE" but I realized I used that for the loan status, and already taxed out "Covered in bees!" (which I'm still saying often) on my last entry. Curses! But just know there's a cacophony of all of it in my head as I run around like a chicken with my head cut off with no specific purpose in mind.

Because I'm about to ship off to the Caribbean, of course one of the thoughts is, as my title states, "What have I done???" Despite knowing that this is for the best, there's still a sense of rocking the boat... and then I feel like an idiot for being a whiny brat "Awwww.... poor girl, instead of pursuing temporary transient desk jobs with per diem ER hopping in central California, hoping to work her way up to getting to polish Arnie's jeep, she has to go pursue a medical education on a tropical Caribbean island. The horror!"

And then I think "What the hell was I thinking???" again, and it's off. Sigh. It'll be better on the other side. Then it's done.

Despite being nearly done with packing, I'm still in forgetfulness packing anxiety even though I have about four lists I'm cross referencing in many colors because I've chosen this ONE time in my life to be organized.

Still, that "I'm going to forget something!" syndrome is hard, and I don't know why I do it. I went on a camping trip with Slappy one time, assuring her things would be fine, and I forgot EVERYTHING. We ended up eating baked potatoes without anything on them and having to go to the camp store for coffee.

So if I can screw up that badly and suffer no ill, I'm not sure why the concept of forgetting something on an island with a grocery store, student store, restaurants, etc, scares me. It's not like I'm being dropped into the Amazon.

Basically, if I show up on the island with nothing but my passport, registration voucher, immigration letter, laptop, and the clothes on my back, I'm okay. Not comfortable, and going to have to spend a fair amount of money, but okay. Everything I really *need* to attend school would fit into a small carry on... so why the concept of forgetting a hairbrush or a flash drive, when I can buy either on the island, is frightening to me, is beyond me. I think I'm looking for things to be stressed about. Perhaps it's a mask for just wanting people to like me!! Heh heh. I suddenly feel like I'm 13.

Tomorrow, I have to vaccinate the cat (she's a bit past due, which kennels care about) and kennel the animals, thus saying goodbye. That's going to be SO difficult, particularly since my puppy is no longer a puppy and is quite old. I hope he does well with my mom, since they seem to get along fairly well.

Let me also explain something about the dog situation and express a very brief hatred for Matt Groening (sp?) of Simpsons fame... see, I really like the show Futurama... except... there's an episode called "Jurassic Bark". Ha ha, funny, right? If you don't like spoilers, skip this part, by the way...

Fry's (main character) has a dog when he lives in the year 2000... scientists find his dog in the year 3000 and through a series of pretty funny hijinks, Fry has an opportunity to reanimate his dog. Unfortunately, at the last minute, he shows that the dog died at an old age, but Fry got frozen when the dog was 2 or something... so he decides the dog had a long life and had long forgotten him.

Cut to a montage of this dog sitting outside the pizza parlour where Fry had worked as the seasons change and sad music plays, waiting hopefully for Fry to come back. As the credits fade in, the now old dog, lays his head down, still waiting for Fry, and dies.

WTF???????!?!?!?!?!?!?!??! And then I get to feel like a loser because a frigging cartoon made me bawl like a baby, and it's hard to make me cry!

And now I'm scared of that, because I have anthropomorphized my animals to a point where I picture my poor goofy, chickeny, scared of his own shadow, sweet mutt waiting for me forever (since I've always come back) and never seeing me. My cat's a cat, thus, as long as she's fed, I'm not sure she'll notice... I think she's been plotting my death anyway.

On the other hand, Fry was gone for a thousand years. I'll be ostensibly gone for two. Fry also didn't have a webcam and use it to go WHO'S A GOOD BOY, YES YOU ARE. Oh yeah... and Fry was a cartoon character as was his dog, thus the entire manipulative montage was done by cackling misanthropists.

Maybe I'm getting into that a bit much.... hmmm.... I guess the long and the short of it is that I'm freaking out! Again!