Nope, not from panic attacks. I like to mix up the crazy so no one knows what to expect. No one likes a predictable crazy person. It makes them seem almost sane.
Nah, this is more of the internal-doubting myself as a person form of crazy where I end up thinking strange things, and stranger than "electrical banana"... quite rightly
Today, despite the nutrition final on Monday, I've been procrastinating like hell (who me?) doing those last four lectures, which I chalked up to me being back to normal, so no harm no foul.
Until FINALLY, after like 8 hours to get through 4 lectures, not for the normal reasons but because my brain kept wandering off (also not unusual), I finished and figured I should try to stay on top of my path lectures so I don't wind up way behind right after the nutrition final.
*That* held my attention. And I was trying to figure out why... was it because I started path later and tend to thrive better in the late at night? Was it the fact that I don't have an exam on it on Monday so it (theoretically) doesn't cause as much stress because it's not directly hanging over me?
Nah, it's because it's more interesting. Yes, that's right... nutrition, which I almost get 10 extra credit points on just for being female, since we're taught from birth to be obsessed with our weights, is WAY less interesting than endocrine pathology. To a point, where I couldn't even pay attention to it and resented the parts where it even got remotely difficult, yet path stays difficult, and MUCH better time getting through it. Maybe it's the threat of death.
What's doubly unfair in this is that though nutrition tends to be one of those subjects I'm suspicious of due to a nasty predilection to make things up without any kind of statistical support, they actually addressed and acknowledged that problem and presented areas where the research was sketchy, gave values on good studies, and all that stuff that perks me out of the "bad science" irritation I felt for most of public health (did you know that secondhand smoke kills over 10 billion orphaned periplegic nuns per year??). They even addressed that whole correlation not equaling causation thing that drives me absolutely bonkers.
I think the wonderfully impending Prague thing is also impinging on my minimal attention span. I bought my backpack, am checking out luggage cubes, am thinking of what stuff to bring, to pack, to eat, to be merry, whether I'll sleep on trains, or with earplugs and whether I'm going to be able I'll be able to muster enough broken Gerglish to buy a train ticket to Prague when I'm in Berlin. Are my vaccinations up to date enough? Will they penalize me for my body's stubborn refusal to develop varicella titers despite the fact that I was never able to get chickenpox as a child despite parental efforts, and have now gotten shot up with the vaccine about 5 times? Will the doctors like me? If a bleeding patient is screaming at me in Czech, will they be comforted by my ability to say "I'm American! I speak a little Czech! What time would you like to go to lunch?"?
Ya know... the important questions, unlike questions like "I wonder how badly I can tank a one unit class if I'm thinking about German beer during the final exam?"