Dec 10, 2006

There's Something About Soundgarden...

I swear, my mother has had a radar, since I was about 15, for any time Chris Cornell is singing. This woman will doze through Marilyn Manson, not "be fond" of Rage Against the Machine, but if Soundgarden comes on for three seconds, watch out. That'll teach me to play the circa 1995 edition of Road Rash when she's helping me move to the island, mon.

So I'm frigging exhausted. I stayed up all night getting stuff ready for Garage Sale, Part III, Nature's Revenge. We did the indoor dealie, an ACTUAL garage sale out of Jim's garage, and did better than I would have anticipated, considering it was POURING.

Status of loan? Pending. Still. It's etched onto my corneas, scratched into my skull. I'd have nightmares but they're all PENDING approval from Morpheus. How long does it take to check a credit report??? I could have read Leo Tolstoy's credit report by now, and you know it would have been 3000 pages long and included 6 pages about oysters... or his oyster loan status. Did I mention I'm tired? Good.

In another edition of the serial, we revisit attempting to complete these health forms again. I'm frigging glad I have Kaiser or I'd owe more money for the process of completing the health forms than I would for the school.

In our last episodes, we found Ishtar/Ishie as a little pink pincushion getting filled with vaccinations against everything except, ironically, the horrific disease of which she will eventually die due to some tragic mishap in a vaccination clinic.

This disease *almost* turned out to be meningitis. Why? Well, the the history...

You need your titers checked for the MMRV stuff when you enter the school. I figure... all right, last MMR shot was in 2000 to get into Sac State (went there for a semester before transferring to Davis), no problem. Problem. Totally not immune to measles. Imagine how shocked I would have been if I'd have come down with it. Time to check the polio and smallpox titers, eh? Not that I've had a smallpox vaccination. I'm one of the chosen sacrifices when the elders decide to cull the herd.

On Thursday, when I was getting a TB test, flu shot, and "meningitis" shot, they told me to come back today (Saturday) to get the TB test read (it's been on the New York Times Bestseller list for weeks) AND to get my MMR shot, since they didn't want to mix it with a flu shot.

I take a break from garage saling today just in time to drive past Arden Mall at peak holiday crunch time, head to Kaiser, where my TB test is read within three minutes and then I wait... and wait... and wait... I know they're backed up; it's all good... and wait, and get halfway through Fast Food Nation, which incidentally makes me kind of want some McDonalds french fries... and wait.

I go back for the MMR shot. The nurse grabs the underside of my arm in a death grip and says "When I pinch it like this, it makes the shot hurt less." Hmm... no it doesn't. The needle stick feels exactly the same (not too bad), only now it is into bruised battered flesh which is also the inflamed recepticle to less than comfy chemicals. Stop doing that. Shots are not a big deal to me. I am not going to pass out, throw up, or scream. Just jab the needle in my arm and stop doing things that make it worse to make it *seem* better.

So then I am trying to get a printout of all my vaccines, including the evidence that the MMR shot was given for the school since I'm negative for the measles titers... I also want the meningitis documented because... well, I'm anal retentive.

Meningitis not showing up on the printout. Shows up on the new computing system sans date, batch number... but not on printout. However... pneumonia is. According to my Kaiser paperwork, I'm not due for a booster on my pneumonia shot until 2045. I'm not making that up. I'll frigging scan it.

Apparently, last week, I got my early booster. Always nice to have extras, I suppose. But no meningitis. Oopsie. I suppose if I'm getting the wrong mystery vial shoved into my arm, I'm glad it's just a vaccine rather than... I don't know... propecia... or fried chicken. Simple, right? Just jab yet another needle in my arms, which are beginning to show track marks that rival a heroin addict's, but whatever.

No... need doctor's orders... then need other things... then they're swamped (so many arbitrary vaccines! So little time!)... getting more into my book. Did you know they have a chemical food additive that smells exactly like grilled hamburgers? Me neither. Nurse comes back with needle. Forgets something... rests needle on counter where it isn't cooperating with staying in place and keeping the tip off said non-sterile counter. I'm not particularly worried, because by this point, I figure my immune system can probably bench around 240. Nurse sets needle on plastic ziplock bag which hopefully did not once contain human urine, instructs me not to touch it (damn! Note to self: don't practice needle juggling trick). Nurse leaves. Ishie speculates that perhaps getting meningitis isn't all that bad.

Nurse comes back, pinches OTHER arm (thus ending all my dreams of being a surgeon) and jabs me with the needle. Success! BUT! Still no print out. Cut to about 25 minutes later, and I have called Jim to let him know I haven't succumbed to a firey wreck, taking his beloved pickup truck with me.

We resign ourselves to no meningitis printout. Just as I'm leaving, miraculous! It appears.

So, due to my loyalty to SGU, I have been stabbed nine times in two weeks and have nearly finished a book with the amount of time I've spent decorating Kaiser's waiting rooms. If I don't get my loans, I am going to find the loan official and pump HIM full of vaccines until he either approves me or turn into some sort of ironically named Batman villain. Dr. Tytirs?


marian said...

Hey Ishie, read your other blogs printed out at Highland Hosp. Had to get an update cause i really enjoyed your writing and story. You're a good writer. Glad u can still write even after all the vaccines! Best of luck on the trip and school. I know you will do well. Marian

Ishie said...

Thanks for reading, Marian!!