Well, that's one "A", at least...

So I passed Clinical Skills of the online final exam.

Now if only all my other exams were online exams that asked questions like:

"A patient comes in complaining of chest pain. Should you:

a. Kick him in the stomach and say "Ha ha!! Bet your chest doesn't hurt so much now, Nancyboy!!"
b. Tell him he deserves to have chest pain because he's such a hairy lardo.
c. Confide in him the gnarly details of your last patient's drippy STD, complete with powerpoint presentation.
d. Tell him about how your harpy of an ex-wife is trying to get into your wallet, and then make a few racist jokes.
e. Encourage him to tell you more about his pain."

Hmm... it's "a", right? It's always "a"! Or maybe it's always "c". Aiiieeee! I'm so conflicted!

Some of the questions were difficult, but difficult in a stupid way, like whether something inherently obvious falls under "being nice" or "the quality of niceness" or some other frigging thing. Basically, what I got from Medical Ethics is the same thing I got from watching Bill and Ted: "Be excellent to each other." Thank you, Dr. Keanu Reeves. You have officially trumped Aristotle.

Am I going to hell for this post? Oh yes... oh yes.. and I'm probably violating somebody's ethical principles. Which is why I like my ethical principles which state that as long as you're being humorous, no one is allowed to get mad at you. Thus I present the following scenario:

A patient comes to you with chest pain. The proper response is "c":

Say:
"Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"Little old lady"
"Little old lady, who?"
"I didn't know you could yodel!!!"

hyuk hyuk hyuk. Yes, a joke so bad, it could kill six kittens.

Well, back to biochem, which is actually graded, not pass/fail, and DOES have a greater opportunity to get up into my grill. Later!