Nov 22, 2006

A Farewell to Income

What? ANOTHER post? If only I can keep up this rate once I'm in Grenada. Riiight.

I gave my notice today, and my boss was REALLY cool about it, which of course, makes me feel like more of an ass. Ah well. So it's becoming, as Geertz would say (because dammit, I will NOT have that religion in society and culture class be simply a waste of money), part of the really real.

My apartment is starting to show the real signs of breakdown. Since I'm going to try my luck at the Roseville Auction as mentioned this weekend, I'm ripping through my belongings to look for things to sell. I've taken down posters and paintings, cleared kitchy knick knacks off the surface, thus getting down to that spartan 'someone's about to not live here' element, punctuated here and there with stray boxes. This also means that every time I go home, I have that deep breath, holy crap this is really happening and damned if I'd better get my loans or I am ska-rewed sensation.

Poco a poco. And good lord, I have a lot of crap! It's amazing how much generic buildup you get when you live somewhere for 7 years with no discernible plans to leave.

Oh, on a COMPLETELY random, non SGU related note, I decided to post this transcript with a certain roadside assistance company, whose name I will disguise as "Triple B" or BBB, because the incompetence is golden. I was driving back from diving in Monterey, and fortunately not in a hurry. The following is the *abbreviated* version of the intensive task of trying to get some competent roadside assistance. And yes, my cell phone reception was FINE:

Ishie: Hi, yeah, I need a service call? I stopped to take some pictures, and now my car battery's dead. I'm by the side of the highway on 152 headed East about 3 miles past Casa de Fruta. I'm in a white Hyundai Accent.
Idiot1: You're where?
Ishie: Three miles past Casa de Fruta... on 152 East, between Gilroy and Santa Nella.
Idiot1: Well, what city are you in?
Ishie: I'm not in a city. I'm between Gilroy and Santa Nella, probably in Santa Clara or Merced county.
Idiot1: So you're in Santa Nella?
Ishie: No, Santa Nella is about 30 miles in front of me. I am BETWEEN Gilroy and Santa Nella.
Idiot1: Well, what's the last exit you saw?
Ishie: Casa de Fruta. Could be Casa de Frutas.
Idiot1: About how far back was that?
Ishie: Three miles.
Idiot1: Can you spell that?
Ishie: C-a-s-a d-e F-r-u-t-a.
Idiot1: Hold on. So your car won't start?
Ishie: Right. The battery's dead. I just need a jump.
Idiot1: Well, if it just stopped running on the highway, that's not the battery.
Ishie: I pulled off the highway to take pictures. Now the car won't start again.
Idiot1: Okay, but if you were driving and the car just stopped running... did it stop running slowly, or did everything just fail? Because that's not the battery.
Ishie: Listen... I pulled OFF the highway to take pictures. I turned off the car, got out of the car, and took pictures. When I got back in the car, and put the key into the ignition and turned it, the car went "rrr... rrr... rrr..." and wouldn't turn over... because the battery's dead, and needs a jump.
Idiot1: So... you're past Casa de Fruta?
Ishie: (deep breath) Yes.
Idiot1: I'm not finding it. Are you sure it's Casa de Fruta?
Ishie: Or Frutas. Yes. It's the only road out here.
Idiot1: Hold please
*click*

Ishie: Hello? Oh, fuck me.

(redial)

Ishie: Hi, I just placed a service call but got disconnected. I'm on 152 Eastbound?
Idiot2: Okay, what seems to be the problem?
Ishie: I stopped by the side of the road to take some pictures, and my car won't start. The battery's dead. I need a jump.
Idiot2: Well, if the car just stopped running while you were driving, then the problem isn't the battery.
Ishie: I stopped to take some pictures, thus I was not in the process of driving.
Idiot2: Well, was the car running when you stopped?
Ishie: What? The car stopped running when I turned off the ignition. When I turned the ignition back on, it wouldn't turn over, because I need a jump.
Idiot2: Well... we can't have a technician jump the battery by the side of the highway for his safety, but we can tow you somewhere else, though with
your plan, it's only the first five miles that are free, after that it's ten
dollars a mile.
Ishie: (&(*)(*(*&)(*^^%&^*(U(*??????????? Let me get this straight... I need the guy to jump the battery, but he can't, because it's unsafe to do by the side of the highway, but it IS safe for him to kneel down with his back to oncoming traffic, secure the car to the towtruck and tow me twenty feet backwards to the dirt inlet where I pulled off so he can jump me there?
Idiot2: .... well, if the car suddenly stopped running, it's not the battery anyway.
Ishie: Can you just send someone out?
Idiot2: Okay, where are you?
Ishie: (through gritted teeth) I am on Eastbound 152, 3 miles from the Casa de Fruta exit. Gilroy is about 8 miles behind me; Santa Nella is about 30 miles in front of me.
Idiot2: So you're in Santa Nella?
Ishie: I see a call box behind me. I'm walking to it.
Idiot2: Are you safe out of your car?
Ishie: Safer than dying of exposure inside the car after I'm left here for dead. Hold on. (walking walking walking) Okay. I am at the call box. It is callbox 152-0300 listed Santa Clara county. I would give you the GPS coordinates if I had them.
Idiot2: (clacking keys) Okay... callbox 152-0300; that has you on 152 Eastbound. Is that correct?
Ishie: YES.
Idiot2: Okay, I'm going to add this to a service order I'm seeing here... do you know...?
*click*

Ishie: Hello? Oh you've gotta be fucking kidding me.

(redial)

Ishie: Hi... I've been disconnected from you guys twice, I am trying to place a service order so you guys can jump my battery. I'm in a white Hyundai by the side of 152 Eastbound. I'm probably gaining some notoriety over there by now.
Idiot3: You're by the side of the highway?
Ishie: Yes.
Idiot3: Well, if your car just stopped running on the highway, it's not the battery.
Ishie: Can we just get someone out here?
Idiot3: Oh, okay, but I'm going to put you down for a tow, because if it were the battery, you wouldn't be able to START the car; it wouldn't just stop running.
Ishie: Excellent. Can you just make sure the service order is in?
Idiot3: Oh... it says the service order was cancelled...
Ishie: Can you un-cancel it?
Idiot3: Oh, okay... so... where are you?
Ishie: Call box 152 0300, Santa Clara County. The sun is at approximately a 5:00 position and I'm next to a rather large Live Oak tree by the side of 152 Eastbound between Gilroy and Santa Nella before the San Luis Resevoir, three miles past the Casa de Fruta exit which features a rather famous fruit stand and stores uniquely called "Casa de Wine" and "Casa de Restaurant", and there's a huge rock outcropping about 100 yards in front of me. What do you people do when someone *doesn't* know where they are?
Idiot3: ... uh... I'm making sure the service order gets out for a tow. Someone should be there within half an hour.
Ishie: Thank you.

(ring)

Ishie: yes?
IdiotDispatcher: Hi, we've got a service call, but we're getting a lot of conflicting information on exactly where you are?
Ishie: Of course you are.
IdiotDispatcher: So...
Ishie: Call box 152 0300, Santa Clara County.
IdiotDispatcher: (keys clacking) Oh, so you're on Eastbound 152, east of Gilroy?
Ishie: Hallelujah. Yes.
IdiotDispatcher: And they have you down here as a tow?
Ishie: It's actually a dead battery.
IdiotDispatcher: Well, if your car stopped on the freeway, it's not a dead battery.
Ishie: Okie dokie then.
IdiotDispather: Someone should be there shortly.
Ishie: Thank you.

Tow Truck driver: Hi.
Ishie: Hi.
Tow Truck driver: What seems to be the problem?
Ishie: I stopped by the side of the road to take some pictures. When I got back in the car, it wouldn't turn over. The battery needs a jump.
Tow truck driver: Hmm... did you try to get a moving start?
Ishie: Yeah, but I didn't pop the clutch at first, and then ran out of road before risking going too far onto the freeway.
Tow truck driver: Did it make any noise when you tried to turn it over?
Ishie: Yeah, it went rrr rrr rrr.
Tow truck driver: Sounds like the battery. Get in the truck and wait here for a second.... (three minutes passes)... okay, yeah, started right up. You're good to go. I'm going to wait here for a second to make sure it doesn't give you any problems when you drive off.
Ishie: Thank you very much. Do I owe you anything?
Tow truck driver: No. Why did they have you listed as a tow?
------------------------------------

AHHHHHHH... now picture the conversations about Casa de Fruta, the spelling of it, and the location of it, as well as arguments about the battery going on about three times longer than noted because even in transcript format, it began to wear on the soul. This series of calls, sans time lounging in my car reading scuba mags (hubba hubba), lasted FORTY MINUTES.

5 comments:

The Driver said...

Had to be AAA. They give IQ tests when people apply and then hire from the bottom up.

Ishie said...

Heh heh, you get a gold star.

The driver was fine; he appeared to have a fully functioning central nervous system. The call center and dispatchers though? YEESH.

just me said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Chrissy xxx said...

Oh Ishie,I just laughed so much when I read this , you have such a way with words. You are also so used to speaking to total idiots :-).
really looking forward to reading your blog and following your career. I hope to have finished my deggree 2009 June, so we shall see!!!
Love and hugs
Chrissy xxx

Ishie said...

Heh, thanks guys!

Throughout that conversation, except for some concern about eventually running my cell phone out of battery, since I wasn't in any kind of hurry, all through the conversation I was laughing to myself because it was the dumbest thing I'd ever heard. Fortunately, I had scuba mags and a camera to occupy me.

It has a happy ending though; I got some good pictures out of the ordeal.. which I should actually post, now that I think about it. 152 is gorgeous.