So long and thanks for all the fish...

 But wait, there's more!

For those who have followed me all these years, I thank you so much for journeying with me through my missteps and foibles.  I hope you've gotten something from it, and I hope I helped some students going through their own medical school journeys.

But HIPAA prevents me from discussing my workday, and I haven't been back to Grenada in years, though I plan to go back and take my current boyfriend for him to see what it was like and for me to see what's changed.

It's not all goodbye though, I've started up a new blog, as I mentioned in my last post as my interests have pulled towards cooking and travel of late, so if you wish to follow my misadventures, feel free to do so here.

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen goodnight.

Work-Life Balance N'at

 This is not a post about pathology, medical school, how to become a doctor, or any of that, though it may come out a bit.  I feel like I've kind of contributed what I can to that.  I tentatively wandered over to Grenada just a little over 15 years ago.  Out of school for 11 years.  Out of training for about six.  Unable to much tell you what I'm doing because HIPAA.

If I follow my family's decent history of longevity if we stay away from cigarettes and guns, I've got about half my life left.  In the first half of my life, I learned to speak English, ice skate, ride horses, how to add numbers, semi-socialize, get cootie shots, categorize human and animal bones, enough anatomy to perform professional dissection, learned medicine, pathology, craft beer, hashing, monkey taxonomy, kenpo, avoiding toxic or abusive relationships, guitar, knitting, drawing and a thousand other things.

So what now?

For the uninitiated, into what is baffling Pittsburgh-ese, "N'at" kind of refers to a conglomerate of "etcetera" and "subsequent parts".

I'm in my new house.  I'm closer to work, closer to love, and surrounded by things I like.  I'm hoping this remains my home until I'm ready to expatriate someplace warm and near a beach.  That's what I thought before, of course... final home final man, but let's hope I'm right this time.  If not, you'll get more updates on it, I'm sure.  Hopefully without vitriol.  I'm trying to rid my life of vitriol.  Call it the nine thousandth time I've gotten banned from facebook for being at loggerheads with some anti vaxxer or soccer mom or Trump supporter or another, or call it having way too many intrusive thoughts from perceived wrongs, it's pretty exhausting.

What to occupy that time with?  That lost time of overeating or dwelling or facebooking or whatever?  Everything.  I've been obsessively making lists of things I want to do, improve, outdoor things, indoor things, date ideas, stuff out of town, stuff that's seasonal, stuff I already did or things I've never tried.  These things range from rooftop bars in NYC with the new man (well.. the 2 year relationship guy) to improving guitar to hunting to foraging to modge podge to journaling to cross country skiing.

It's a long and varied list.  It is definitely a short attention span dabbler's list.  It seems daunting, but less daunting when I consider I have as much time to nibble each bit as I have the first half of my life.  And for most of that time, there weren't youtube videos explaining how to do the things I learned, nor google so that "which species of New World monkey does that again?" required a plunge into the Dewey Decimal system.

My MAIN focus at present is unpacking and organizing all my crap, sorting it, and then mildly Konmari-ing stuff so that I can actually find it and use it.

Other foci:

Guitar: I've been a self and friend taught plucker of acoustic strings and user of cheap theatrical tricks since I was 15.  I bought a PRS electric a few years back with the goal of "shredding" if you will, and have not really learned much other than playing it like an acoustic or plugging it into my Xbox.  So I'm actually taking classes and learning some (gulp) theory.  Stay... heh... tuned.

Reading: I love it and have loved it and it fell by the wayside too many times to the evil tendrils of facebook and reddit.  I want it back.  I have reading nooks stationed throughout the new house like NY/NJ has train stations.

Journaling: Well, you're experiencing some of it.  Helps get the crazy out of my head.

COOKING:  Why the all caps?  I'm obsessed with it.  Have been for some time.

Through my life, I've collected many things but my nomadic wandering has left most of these collections in garage sales, goodwills, garbage heaps, or in one spectacular example, beneath an ash mound of burning possessions.

I love cookbooks.  I love the stories, the pictures, and the recipes.  It's official.  I heart them.  I collect them.  I found a spot, eatmybooks where I can reference and use them all.

I'm an 80s 90s former latchkey microwave dinner and takeout kid that then was a poverty ramen and potato eater.  I didn't learn to cook even a little until I was 30 and got shamed by my 21 year old roommate.

Now?  I'm getting pretty good.  I have an abundance of spices and oils and sauces from around the world.  I'm familiar with the fundamentals of eating, if not cooking, most cuisines (my attempt at injera was an unmitigated disaster).  I've gardened my own harvest and am about to do it again if Father Winter ever knocks it the hell off.

Because cooking and gardening and screwing up doesn't much involve a Caribbean MD, I'm spinning off a blog, because it's the hip thing to do.  If I don't update it, well, you've already been trained by this blog to anticipate disappointment.  In my defense, I issue more blog posts than George RR Martin issues chapters of Winds of Winter, so that's a bonus, right?

I'm still setting it up.  It'll be called "The Semi Reformed Nomad" so stay tuned.

Crazy Cat ladies

 Gods I hate mornings.  I have never have been a morning person and it's been endless.

If you've been here for a while, or went to school with me, you know this.
Once Sonic Foundry (records the lectures) debuted in Grenada, people that weren't in my small groups legitimately thought I had dropped out of school.

I dealt with it through my clinical rotations in Brooklyn by being situated almost on top of a bagel shop that opened at 5.  So for surgery and OB, I'd have my face pressed against the glass like a little kid, because dammit, if I'm going to be up that early, I want my bagel straight out of that delicious municipal water.  Also the dean threatened to slit all our throats over something someone else did, and I sincerely believed him, so I didn't mess around.

So let's see... colleague needs coverage... no problem.  Which led to 6 am Friday, Monday, Tuesday, and now I'm just wearily watching my phone AND I'M ON CALL this weekend.
And the workload is back (though abruptly broke for lunch, as it tends to), directly coordinating with early procedures, which is oh so much fun.  If I'd had this work a couple weeks ago when I could wake up after the sun rose, I wouldn't have had to put an entire police system on high alert because I wouldn't have been bored.

So it's another COVID year, so I'm seeing both if I still have some days off and if there's any way in hell I should be getting on an airplane because teenage me was so wrong.  I HATE WINTER.  So I'm having my first world problem temper tantrum of "I wanna go to Mexicooooooooooo".  And February's when I tend to F off to warmer parts but it's omicron time.

So treadmill (I already blew my right knee to pieces long ago, so I am not running in this nonsense), indoor stuff, binging Squid Game (#subsnotdubs), reading journal articles, but even just walking outside during the lunch hour is like... no.

Closing is going down on the house, so that's something that's exciting, stressful, gives me some sense of purpose at home, plus gives me projects to plan since while the place is not a "fixer-upper", it's definitely an "improver".  Gas, not electric, gas outlets outside, fix the fence, sod two parking spaces, change the front door, add window panels, etc etc etc.

And it's not that big.  The old place had an entire floor we used like... three times for friends who'd have been equally comfortable on futons.

Big kitchen for me to cook in.  Small yard, for the dog to run in and to grill and smoke in.  Easily manageable without hired help.

Anyway, the title.

So I tend to keep my personal and professional life fully apart since fellowship; just my preference.  My colleagues are nice, but don't know much about me, more than that I have a motivational print out of the David Goggins book cover on my wall, and I'm dead certain they don't know who he is.

So the first year, a kind colleague gave me a cat calendar.  I use wall calendars and still like to have "YOU HAVE A PROCEDURE" in front of me rather than on silent mode when I'm ignoring my phone.  So I used it.

The next year, I bought a goats in trees calendar.  Doesn't give a lot away, but more my speed.

This year, I was JUST about to bring in my "awesome scenery from around the world" calendar in, and she got in and was like "I know you love cats, so I got you this!!!" and gave me a calendar, that is not simply cats; it is like aggressively lovey pictures of cats like nuzzled against a teddy bear and stuff.

So I'm insane for cats.  Maybe I should have brought in just one photo framed and had it be of my dog?

Updates

Well, I haven't heard much more, other than that my network has its own police department and they're on it.  Any contact, and arrests will be made, so that's good.

My lab director and I don't get on, but she made good and the entire PD is waiting for any hint.  Not sure if she's scared for herself, me, or just hates stalking in general (she's attractive and from a country where that was probably obnoxious for her as a young'un) but hey, people aren't necessarily all bad.

Friday sucked in its own way.  I am aggressively not a morning person (I consider this still night and just woke up in the middle of it).  My favorite surgeon (and he is; we tend to swap diving stories), but he LOVES early morning procedures so I got two on Friday and now one on Monday.

So Friday was essentially a solid 12 hour day and I was addled from being up so early so just was trying to save enough brainpower to keep going through a day, that had I gotten a week ago, I wouldn't have been bored into picking up a stalker.

In a sense, it's a good thing, though not one I love after getting up at 6 am, since I get the big caseload, which means experience, AND potential bonuses.

But I was near delirium last night after how much work I'd done.  And then I get to do it again on Monday.

Sigh.  This is one of the reasons I'm not a surgeon.  Also I have flat feet, hate danskos (they're heavy and uncomfortable), so while I can walk or swim forever, I cannot just stand.  I'd have been terrible in the military.  (Stop shifting on your feet or you'll do pushups  I'd rather do pushups!!!)  But those early mornings.  Ick.

It's weird.  I'm considered to have a pretty plushy job, yet I look at grocery store clerks with absolute respect because in the US, they aren't allowed to sit down, and I couldn't do their jobs.  I can do my job, but stand for 8-10 hours as a clerk?  Nope.

I can walk or swim for pretty much forever.  I can stand still for about 20 minutes before those arches start on me.  My only comfort are Brooks.  When I lived in BK I discovered Jackrabbit sports and they filmed me running on a treadmill, and finally arrived at Brooks shoes, which, naturally, are like 150 bucks.  My boyfriend laughs that my highly expensive shoe collection is less "I'm a woman" and more "this is the only way I can be comfortable".  They're also why my doctor thinks I'm two inches taller than I actually am.  That's how much padding I need.

I'm running again and with the above, that means my middle toenails are blackening and about to be absent, but on Wednesday, we went for absolute decadence, so pedicure (I play guitar AND have psoriasis which manifests as severe dandruff and laminate nails, so no manicures), tanning, and pho.  It was a desperately needed good day.

What else?

Hmm... COVID is an issue, but work around it.  Get your freaking colonoscopies, even if you have to wait a year.  I hate seeing stage four tumors that would have been clipped off as adenomas ten years ago.

Just don't smoke.  If you vape, there's early indications of lung damage, but smoking the old fashioned way reliably causes lung, renal, and bladder carcinomas, with the additional potential for the killer of my family, emphysema.

I've been watching 9/11 videos.  I don't know why.  But all I can think when I see those poor people covered in ash is "pull your shirt off and wrap it around your face!!!!"  But that's far too late to say now.

So nothing of much import.  I'm obsessed with Candide (in English) because it's the driest wit I've experienced since Jonathon Swift.  I've also learned it's the source of "the best of all possible worlds".

Still learning Spanish, so not trying Voltaire in French, which is like Spanish if you trailed off each word without finishing it.

So not much to report.  Gonna watch Cyrano tonight probably (since Peter Dinklage is the GOAT), but not a lot else.

There are three omicron variants.  I'm on team "let this replace delta because it's so much less deadly" but who knows?  I have big travel plans for the year but I regularly F off someplace warm in February (last time was the DR), and COVID has destroyed that so I'm left cranky in the frozen north with no Mexico in sight.  Sigh.

I know, first world problems.

So I tan instead, because every doctor needs a bad habit, but MAN does UV light feel good when you don't see it in the morning or evening.  Like, I'll take the small risk of melanoma, but I'm less pale and and less miserable in the winter.

As a former goth kid, I was always like "Yeah, remove the sun".  In the Carolinas.  Then I moved north and was like "winters are the f'ing worst and I never want to deal with them again."

When I first moved out of CA, I was like "Oh, we had winters.  In SF, even summers could be winter", which is both true but also, even in July sticks to like 40 degrees.  So that sucks right?

No, what sucks is walking your rottie and having your hair freeze to your head like you're in Titanic.  Which is reality at present.

But stay safe, ya'll.  And if you're stalked, have an entire police department at your back.

Cease and Desist.

First of all, I have notified my employers, their attorney, my personal attorney (no, not my boyfriend), my friends and family, and know your identity.  Internet reverse tracing works both ways.  You weren't lying though.  You are a very dangerous individual.

I also will not be filing a restraining order.  After figuring out who you were, I figured you probably wouldn't sacrifice everything you have to hunt me down thousands of miles away and kill me, but certainly would if I cost you your business and guns.  Every threatening post has been screenshot, including those after I posted what I am posting now which is this:

This serves to fulfill legal notice that your intentional and repeated harassment and stalking of me constitutes unlawful RCW 9A.46.020 Harassment, RCW 9A.46.110 Stalking, RCW 9.61.260 Cyberstalking and furthermore your conduct must immediately stop, this includes your use of your third parties, friends, associates, and your use of Fox news pseudonyms to threaten women.  

You are prohibited from contacting me, my friends, family, or employers including use of your third parties, friends, and associates by telephone, electronic communication, social media, Yelp, mail delivery services, internet-based communications, pager service, and electronic text messaging, and any other form of communication either written or electronic.  

I nor my employer nor my friends and family do not want to be contacted by you.  Your conduct has and is causing substantial emotional distress, deliberate tortious interference with commerce causing economic harm, and damage to reputation.  Please stop.  Your use of your companies resources to track down a woman is stalking and you have made direct and repeated threats in violation of Washington state law as well as the laws of my state.

If you persist in threatening me, you have already done enough that I can not only get a full on restraining order, but have you arrested for persistent harassment, cyberstalking, and your threats to upgrade to full on stalking.

Your record appears to be stellar in your past.  I'm not sure what exactly went on that caused you to flip out, but is it really worth sacrificing your entire future, and sully your past achievements (which seem fairly laudable) over an argument on the internet?

You have succeeded in making me fear for my life.  Hopefully that is enough.

Yeesh

 Dave, we're on okay if unsteady footing.  Once FB get its head out of its butt, we'll see how it goes.   I apologize for telling you to get stuffed now that the stalker is dangerous.

For the stalker, I've filed a complaint with his company.  He's currently trying for my "financials" which makes his crimes federal rather than local.

What else?   I want more cases.  I get bored easily and while I don't love giving death sentences (ductal pancreatic adenocarcinoma), just give me anything that isn't soft tissue, derm, or medical liver, because I suck at those.

We got the house with repairs included.  Thersn't an emoji on earth that shows that relief;  I can take care of my mom, have the master suite on the second floor so her knees aren't impacted.  And I can gradually improve.  The palatial mansion was not a good idea but I had doctor syndrome.  This place I can gradually improve, will be absolutely mine, without those previous delusions of grandeur.

What do I want? For realz?  A porch, a firepit, a smoker, a yard.  What do I want for mom?  To not be "roommates" but I want her comfortable. I don't need what I once had.  What I need is a space that's mine. To be close enough to finally teach Seth how to f'ing swim. To take care of the mother that has ALWAYS had my back (my aunt Pam too, though my cousin is so rich, I doubt its an issue); to get her to senior centers so she has friends.

It's all so soon (so good luck stalking me mid move, psycho), but this is so good. Everything I've ever wanted is coming to pass.   I thought I wanted that gorgeous mansion to impress the worthless husband and the close friend that killed himself (So yes, psycho, after that happened I saw a therapist), but this middle class, closed in yard living?  Yes please. Turns out I don't want a palatial mansion with too much ground to cover.  I want a safe middle class, periodically upgraded general life, close to work, and close to love.  It can't provide shelter to 11 drunks with their own beds, but it doesn't need to.

Give me simplicity and nice vacations and a yard where I can grill and smoke meat and I'm a happy camper.

Awww I picked up an incel stalker.

 Not you Dave.  I'm willing to give you one last chance.

So if anyone sees this guy around:

The person in question may look a bit like this.  Said individual has been denying I'm a doctor for weeks while he works himself into a froth and has now started stalking me and is probably reading to try to figure out where I live.

Update, actually I know who he is and where he works.  Blogger lets you see where your page views are.

In case I suddenly disappear, this man has said I'm attractive, spent a week stalking me, and is a weapons instructor bragging about how many guns he has.  Right now, he's just threatening through the employer (which would... I don't know... annoy them?  My cases have been done for hours), but he has made his actual intentions well known.

This is why I promote liberals taking advantage of the second amendment.

ANYWAY, work is still slow as heck due to the post NYE COVID boom (hospitals get lag time), leaving me bored.

It is giving me time to pack for the new house, but the sellers appear to be morons who want me to pay for structural damages my contractor discovered to which after some back and forth, my real estate lawyer issued them a legalese ultimatum.

Like one of the issues is electrical.  Losing everything in ONE house fire was quite enough of that.

What else, boyfriend and hash trail this weekend!  It's a long term thing to look forward to, but since I HATE HATE HATE moving, I'm making this one nice and slow so I don't have much in the way of plans since that "they're here!  Quick, throw a half empty tissue box, a half empty garbage can, an oscillating fan, and a blanket into this box!" feeling is one I'm happy leaving far behind me.

What else, I got to hang with my favorite surgeon (though they're all lovely) and swap dive stories (I'm so jealous of his whale shark experience), so that at least kept me occupied.

Oh, to those who have anxiety and depression through the COVID years, according to the dude above, you're bonkers.  This message is NOT brought to you by a healthcare professional.  If you need or want help, get it.  Also regularly exercise, 30 minutes of cardio a day provides the same benefit as a low dose SSRI.

My right knee has been tweaking on me thanks to a combination of this gawdawful winter and freaking crossfit, so I'm bracing to get my running regimen back up to speed.

I registered for Disney's Dopey Run (5K, 10K, half) (why?  Because I'm insane) THREE YEARS AGO.

Did they ever reschedule the Cooper River Run?  We were going to do that.  Then it was in August (who TF in Charleston thought that was a good idea???).  Then it was cancelled again.  Then probably again.

I do the virtual runs but it's just not the same for me.  It gets my mom walking and she likes any source of bling, but so far the only runs I've done were accidentally doing the Beast (trail runs and regular runs are NOT the same, AND we'd just been hit by a storm knocking all the leaves down), so I think I managed to eat shit four times on that trail and come in damn near last, and one around Central Park, which was a LOT better but man I forgot that Harlem Hill is a bitch and a half.

The last one was fun for the whole Christmas in NY thing, despite Macy's just absolutely phoning in their displays this year.  Thank goodness for Sak's, something I never thought I'd say in my life.

What else?  Other than "yay Ozark with boyfriend!", most of the business at present is not dying outside in the unrelenting freeze, and real estate nonsense.

What particularly sucks is that while we are Caribbean bound in April, February is when I typically F off to someplace warm, yet this year, nope nope, gotta move.

Still, can't argue with Dio de Los Muertos in Puerto Vallarta, though I can wonder why children were dressed as the guys from Squid Game.  The Spanish translation must have omitted a lot and they'd have to photoshop in a big bounce house at the bottom of that tug of war.

Well, back to my ten minutes of work.

See you psycho.  Enjoy reading about someone with a better life (well, when I'm not fighting with an idiot seller).